Well I know it has been a while since I updated…..and no my mother has not been an angel this whole time…..I forgot about this blog so I am here now to update.
This past week. Mother calls, wants oldest. I tell her because of my dh test, he had on a neurological test on Friday, that I didn’t think it best for him to go this particular weekend. I also informed her that once I got home with dh and let the sitter go home, that I was not leaving my sleeping dh to track oldest out to her house to spend night. I live in the city, she lives in the country. She doesn’t like driving in town to see us, it is tooo much of a drive.
To my point.
So she calls me and we are discussing his going to his grandmothers, with the Grandma. I explained I was not leaving my dh while he was still sedated. So she has a comeback of “well next weekend is Easter and with you all there never is a “good time” So I was not telling her NO the boy could not go, nor was I telling her that she could NOT come and get him…..but I was not “giving” information away….if she thought of it….it would happen.
So she drives in town to get the boy, by the time she gets here, he is complaining he does not want dinner and that his tummy hurt(now this could have been one of two things…..the child excited not wanting to eat…..or the child actually sick.)
So she drives in the drive, I explain the child is “feeling sick”, and I told her if he was truly sick, he might not be going….who would want to take a SICK kid???? I wouldn’t if he had a Mother to stay with….ha
So, we chat, we eat our dinner, and then we all run around the house getting certain movies the kid wants to take, I even went to the vehicle to get one out of the DVD player, and went out of my way to make sure he/she had everything they wanted for a perfect weekend.
She called later that night, she could not get a online-web-game to log on for the child….and stated that she could no longer talk to me as I was getting upset with her…..I stated back, no I am actually trying to help you and if you stay on the phone I can better hear and understand what the problem is with logging in. We got him logged in and he was playing before the call ended, to which I quickly said, it is 10:30 p.m. now, please don’t let him stay up all night playing the game online.
So to Sunday. Before church, we were having a special Dinner on the grounds and oldest had been looking so forward to it, but it had slipped my mind that it was in fact THIS sunday, so I called her before I left for church at 8:30 a.m. and explained that this was the Sunday he was sooooo looking forward to and that he would be disappointed if not here. She said want me to ask him what he wants to do? I said I guess so. Then she goes on, and says, “He told me yesterday that He did not want to go home.” Ok…..how many of you out there have grandparents? How many of you if questioned WOULD have wanted to go home???? Not me!!! But I can guarantee that my grandparents did not call my mom and tell her that I didn’t want to come home…..My Mother would have been upset if my grandparents would ever have told HER that…..but I believe she gets pleasure in hurting me. So I explained that I felt that way growing up with my grandparents and that it was a normal thing. TO which she explained hers were not around so she never experienced that feeling. So she calls back shortly and lets me know that he was not interested in the Dinner on the Grounds we were having. I was fine cuz it was his choice.
So after church, we explain that we are going out close to her house in the woods for lunch and she could meet us close to her house and “drop the kid” off. She said ok she would be there shortly.
She comes to the establishment. There are several other friends from church there and she makes small talk. Now her and my son had already eaten something before the drop off, and I knew this….but we are at an eating place. So I explain to dh I left my purse in the car and would he take the children to wash their hands…..she chimes in, Oh Nelson (oldest son) has already eaten. To which I chime back….”well he can still wash his hands…..and he can still mind me!” (She claimed later that this sent her into dreadful tears later) (But wait, shouldn’t I be the one in tears since she dissed me in front of my children????)(She later said, well he had eaten.,…..to which I explain, we got complimentary appetizers Onion Rings, and Mozarilla Sticks, and he ordered some French Fries. (So glad I listened to her….I am not going to deprive my kids of eating….and I know my kids…..10 minutes had passed….he was going to be hungry.)
So, she leaves the “shop”, we eat. All seems ok….well I call her on the way home, she again brings up the fact that Saturday my son stated he wanted to stay with her and not come home. Ok….I got it the first time you told me….this comment still haunts me today…..
So, we finish the drive home.
We come inside the house. I explain to the boy he needs to unpack his stuff. He comes running out of his room with DVD’s in hand and explains, I left the brand new DVD at Grandmother’s house. So I get him to call Grandmother. He tells her he left the new DVD, and he hands me the phone. (I didn’t want to talk to her about it….she overreacts to me saying just about anything)(example above of me telling son to wash his hands.) So she starts yelling at me, THE DVD IS NOT HERE !!!!! I said, well it is not in the case…..so you might just look. She was saying one more thing about the DVD, and ds was running out of his room with the DVD in hand….unprotected, from his bag, and said Oh MOM, it was in the bottom of my bag, to which I gasped NOT IN THE CASE????!!!! She starts yelling at me, “DON’T YOU YELL AT THE CHILD, IT IS MY FAULT!!! I PUT IT IN THE BAG!!! (Editors note: It just seems to me anyone over the age of 20 would put DVD’s in cases so as not to scratch them???!!!!———Maybe it is just me! So I could hear her tone, she was monotone with a hint of sarcasm. I try and get off the phone with her as quickly as I can.
I call her back to let her know I really was not upset with her….but that the child should have gotten the DVD back in the case. She is still dropping fast, and started in on me about how that I hurt her feelings at lunch, and that she had put the DVD in his bag to then have the child have her search for something else, and she forgot and evidently it dropped to the bottom of the bag and she was apologizing….and telling me it wasn’t worth all this she would just buy me another one….after I explained that if it was scratched that it would not play any longer. (No more dvd’s going to my mother’s house!!!!)
********I will edit this as I can…..I can’t remember all right now….maybe I have writer’s block, or mental block. HA
Towards the end of the conversation I told her we really only fought when she had one of my kids, so if that were the case, she would no longer get to have them on the weekends…..
And she also told him this weekend that when she retires she will not just have them on Fri/Sat nights, she would take them Thursday/Friday/Saturday/Sunday nights. (Without my consent she tells the child all of this——and did I mention he needs to be in school?????) He did however tell his grandmother……My Mom won’t go for this…….LOL…..smart boy!
Se-kurity (inside joke)
She also told me she can’t do anything right in MY eyes…..Hello????? Is ANYone home????? I can’t do anything right in HER eyes….especially when it comes to MY kids…..I am always the wrong one. When I was at her house several weeks ago…..anything I said to my kids, she was nudging me on the arm, like…..well you shouldn’t say that…..
She also told me that she was upset when she drove ALL the way to my house, and when she came in she was greeted with, “The child is sick, I don’t know if he will be going to your house.”…….so I sarcastically said, “I will try to make sure the children did not show any sign of punyness.
And her “timing” on getting her grandkids, is NEVER when it is convenient for us, it is when it is convenient for HER. She keeps telling me that this is her outlet…..something to look forward to…..SHE had a bad week and needs to spend time with something that makes her feel worthwhile, SHE did this or that, and got it done, and NOW she wants her grandchildren. Even at the church we are involved in, we have church functions…..and she has told me in the past she will keep them so they won’t have to go……WON’T HAVE TO GO?????!!!!!!!!!!! Now when I NEED a sitter for all of my children….she won’t help. Very seldom…..so I can’t even go out to eat with my dh alone, but she wants to keep them during a church function???????????? Makes no sense to me!!!!!!!!!
She told me Sunday this (being with my oldest ds) was her “light at the end of her tunnel…..she needed this at this time” (again, it was not because she loved him and knew she had not been with him in a while) it was because she had been stressed out.
She has even started questioning the kids about whose turn it is….they are keeping up now—they are getting older, and she argues with the littler guys telling them are you sure it was YOUR turn I thought it was your older brother’s turn.
OK…..I guess I am going thru 2 years of non-posting in this blog. HA
She even threw a fit at my grandparents because Norman, my dh, reprimanded my eldest and she went off the deep end….screamed at me…..Norman put eldest in the car…..My dad was there again telling my mom that we were his parents and she could not tell us how to raise my son etc, and he was on our side and he saw the whole thing….but she went completely loco
I was prego with the twins and she started some stuff about eldest…..and I was not at a good place to handle it AT THAT MOMENT
and Norman went to talk to her about timing…and maybe after the twins were born might be a better time to go over this
she screamed at Dad…..told him how wrong he was for being there (he is the step-father)and telling his elder(my Mom is older than my step-dad) how wrong she was
Norman had my dad there so he would know what exactly what was said
Dad did not think Norman was that out of line, said he handled himself great….and she played the you are a preacher card and told him he was not acting as a preacher handling himself in that way…etc.etc
all he was trying to do was protect his wife and unborn children….but he knew enough about her that he knew to have Dad there to back him up….so if she said he was out of line at least there was a witness
I know she used to have a therapist, whom she no longer sees.
I know she told me once they wanted to admit her for testing, but she could not see family for like 2 weeks and she did not want to be without her “contact” of family.
She once told me that she had to clean the entire room of their toys before bringing them home to me, cause if she walked in the house and saw their toys lying around she would start sobbing. That is kinda scary, they are not dead, they are just at their Mother’s and Father’s house. How terrifying to live like that.
Once within the last 8 years, one of the kids went to grandmother’s house for a spend the night with Grandma thing.
She tells me to meet her at a local grocery store. She also tells me NOT TO BRING THE OTHER CHILDREN, so she won’t have to see them and them cry cause she did not get “time” with them. I told her I was the mother of “X” number of children and dh had other things to do that day and I had no choice but to bring them in the car with me.
So I jump in the car with all the other kids, go up to the public place, and when I get there, she has got there before me, a minivan, typical one that the windows are not tinted so I can see in ALL windows as can everyone else. She is sitting there with tears flowing down her face, crying, and ignoring me. I finally said to her loudly as the car was running and she is sitting there with my child leaned against her breast, crying and I said loudly, I need to get home now the kids in the car are crying, and I need to get back home so dh won’t worry about me. She then after a few minutes more, leans over and unlocks the door, and commences to tell me that she wants to take oldest for a year, me and dh would have complete contact with him whenever we wanted it, and that she would take him and not change his name, but that she would just take care of him.
Now I know I may not be normal either but
A) if I was such a bad mother, why didn’t she want all the kids?
B) Why did she just want the one, and what was she thinking?
Crazy I know. I thought so too! But it did get me to thinking maybe I was not a good mom, but I was doing the best I could with what God gave me.
Anyway, venting, venting, venting, and it feels sooooooo goood!
By the time I was a teenager, I had divorced parents. My real father abused both me and my mother, all the time, but this was before anyone HAD to report it, like Dr’s nowadays.
Anyway, she would call me at family member’s house and say did you tell them we fought last night, cuz if you did I will kill myself. So I have a vivid memory of the house I grew up in, of seeing my mother in every room lying in a pool of blood, cuz she kept telling me she was going to kill herself….and I was young enough to BELIEVE my mother. So if I was brought home before she was supposed to be home I would do a thorough check of the house and each room I would “ready” myself to see here there in the floor face down. Terrible images I know….and I am over 40, so imagine as a young pre-teen, that I faced this daily, when she threw her tantrum.
She always managed to ruin special occassions for me….and still to this day she still manages to ruin them.
She would see my “outburst” and take me in the bathroom to discipline me, and then tell me after spanking me, dry it up, wipe your face and if ANYONE out there knows you got in trouble in here….I will spank you again when we get home. She did not do this in nice tones….these were almost yelling…but there were others in the other room so she had to be to the point, yet be quiet.
Now she manages to ruin special occassions by telling me when I reprimand my child that, “You need to stop creating a scene” I don’t feel I am the one creating a scene. The child is. I am doing my parental duty in keeping him in line.
Enough for tonight on that
Well maybe one more point. Several months ago she fell down in her back, had some of my children, and I said to her, I will come by and pick them up so you won’t have to worry about them while you have your back hurt, she started in about, well if you come take them then I will just kill myself. I said “Now stop that, I lived my whole life worried I was going to find you dead in our house and we are not going to “teach” this behavior to the grandkids, nor do I want them to worry about you like I did daily.” She so far has not said it ever again. Oh to be young again…..I know how to handle her now!
This is the weekend my Mother wanted to have some of the kids. She never can take them all at one time, makes her tooo nervous.
She did have them all one weekend to help me out, and when I went to pick them up she had dissheveled hair, no shower, no makeup, no nothing, and the house was a wreck. Said she needed my Dad to take her out to dinner after all she had been thru that weekend.
Jump forward to this weekend. She told me she wanted some of the kids, meet me at “X” spot. I told her that it was now a Tattoo shop and sex toy place and I did not exactly think that was a good side of town to be getting small children in and out and back in several vehicles and clothes, toys, etc, to switch over, and car seats. She then SCREAMED at me, “WELL WHERE DO YOU WANT TO MEET THEN, <INSERT NAME>?” Like I had made them open this shop just so I could tell her we could not meet there.
Then we get to the place to switch over the kids, she then said a few words to the kids, and me, and then as I was closing the big side door on her van, I said Ok be careful with your hand so I won’t slam it in the door (to the child I gave birth to) and she said HE IS! real hateful.
Part of me wants to stop the “visitation” of grandparent/grandkids but I know it would crush her to the point of her depression and her wanting to take her own life.
More on that later
I tell you I think my mom is seriously loosing it. She lost it with me again today……and I did nothing…..She was screaming and screaming….then I said stop screaming which she then screamed at me that she wasn’t screaming.
Anyway, she had my son….I told her maybe she should not get in the car to meet me with my son till she settled down….she then tells ME….”Well you’d better cool down because you will have 2 of my grandchildren in the car with YOU…..which I then give her a dose of reality and say….I’m not the one screaming at my child….you are screaming AT ME! You are the one loosing it….not me
Anyway, I give up…..I don’t know if I am the crazy one or her
Love Family around the holidays!
Well yest I was on the way to take my child to karate lessons to which my mom calls me and starts screaming at me. Well ok….she didn’t start out SCREAMING….but that is how she ended.
1) She did not like the friend I have that I hang out with….she despises her for some reason…and that good doesn’t rub off onto bad……that bad rubs off onto good….and that me and my dh did not need to be around her….and her family. And this is “supposedly” my “best friend”……she lives close to my house…..she says her intentions SEEM honorable…..
2) That I was (since this person) came into my life….I no longer loved my dh……wow……that was news to him and me…..and that I was just wanting to be with her now…..(granted once he comes home from work…..he does not like me on the computer….hence no IM’ing her….or talking to her…..or working ON the computer AT ALL!)(he barely lets me talk on the phone….because HE IS HOME and wants us to be family together.) Now dh has on occasion let me go out with her on a Monday night for a type of Mom’s night out for the both of us and he stays home.
3) That I no longer since this person came into my life….doing schoolwork with MY kids…..which we are on a break….name TWO hs families….not taking SOME sort of holiday break….and she said I would never tell people I did not have time to HS my children…….telling me what a bad mother, daughter, grandaughter, wife I was. I was bawling…..
Then I mentioned to her I needed to get off my cell phone as she was eating up my minutes….she said that I had been on the cell with my friend the day before at her house….and I had not gotten off for my friend I did not have to get off for her…….then I mentioned that I needed to stop and get gas and I would have to call her back….to which she screamed at me…..WHY didn’t you get gas while *insert name” was in the car with MY KIDS!
4) She went on to say that I told her I hated my relative….who is 5 years younger than me because he had been in prison and in prison and in prison on drug charges….(which I never said I hated her….she was just mad) and that here I was ready to give up everything for some family I did not know. She was very upset…. she was scary at times…..because I have been trying to tell my friend ……I never said I was going to save the whales of her family…..but she has it in her head that I guess she thinks I am trying everything to keep being friends with this family. I have done nothing. Just talk. Pray…..and that’s all I can do.
5) she also mentioned that I always have HER in my CAR…..well her dh works….so therefore he takes the car…..to work…..go figure…..I know one day he will walk over 75 miles to and from work so his wife can take me into town one day so I am not always using my car. I then told her that next time I wanted to go to town with her….which out “big” town is about 15 or so miles away from our VERY SMALL CITY……that I would have her and her 3 kids walk along side the van so that I could tell my mom she had made her own way to the other city. Granted once dh is off…..if we do something after hours or on weekends….we usually take her car…..oh well.
I know none of this makes sense…..and I know she probably has some clinical diagnosis of mental problems none of us want to admit……
But just had to share and see if I was the crazy one or her.
We had done good school work days up till around thanksgiving….to which then we started on Life Skills….learning housework skills….and helping Mom…..and they baked a pie for Thanksgiving….and we went to a play on Thursday….and then between dr appts…….we stay pretty busy.
Well this will be my quest in trying to vent on all of you about my Mother and her ideas of being a good mother and how I get to tears before the conversation is ended……and it is ALWAYS my fault.