Comments for Is my mother bipolar?

Comment on December 13, 2006 by April

April — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 01:13:54 +0000

This reminds me how I was holding my 4 month old son and my mother was screaming at me about something or other. I asked her to please stop screaming at me and that it was not good to yell around the baby. She kept screaming “I’m not screaming at you, you’re the one screaming” All the while I had maintained a monotone voice asking her to stop screaming. I am at the point where I might cut off my relationship with my mother due to the fact that it is hurting me and my family more to be in contact with her. It is a hard choice.

Comment on The pick up by April

April — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 01:07:28 +0000

I ran across your website because my mother is showing signs of being bipolar. This story just freaked me out. I can’t even imagine how you must feel. You want to trust your mother since she is the grandmother but at the same time you need to protect your children. I would not allow her to watch your children alone. It does not sound safe. Although this was posted some time ago, I feel for you and what you have had to go through. Stay safe!

Comment on The pick up by Forestchild

Forestchild — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 19:10:37 +0000

Oh, yeah. That sounds familiar, brings some stuff back….
Once whn my husband and I were arguing and separated, but our kids were with him and well cared for (I don’t have the income and housing to provide for children, but he does, so I had just left the house – I have a mental health history that’s spelled PTSD, but I’m a good mom and husband is a good dad so what I’m about to tell you really blew me away)….my mom’s respnse to our separation was to start consulting lawyers, trying to take custody of our kids from both of us. Said her plan (we lived in a house she owned, btw – she has some money) was that my husband would move, I would live in the house with the kids and have physical custody…but she would have legal custody and control of whatever went on. (???)

At the same time, she *couldn’t* afford to just help me out by letting me and the kids keep the house rent-free or with lower rent. She couldn’t afford it. Unless she had custody of hte kids. (Again – ????)
Looking back, I think she was hypomanic at the time, building up steam into full-blown manic.
There was never, ever any reason for her to need custody of the kids. My husband and I are both good parents – we were just fighting. Married people do that. Sometimes they separate or divorce.

Husband and I had arranged years earlier with some of his family members, that if for any reason we couldn’rt raise our kids (as in tragic accident, etc,) would they take the kids. We did this because the last perosn on earth I would have wanted raising my kids, was my mother – and this was before I knew she was ill.
Anyway. Your ‘custody’ story reminded me of that one. That manic controlling ting.

Comment on Her by Addy

Addy — Sat, 10 May 2008 14:45:56 +0000

Okay .. . I don’t know if my Mom is bipolar, or just a plain mean. She was in and out of the “hospital” during my growing up years. She would have these “nervous breakdowns”, so my Dad would rush her to the special “hospital” where she would immediately calm down (no, she wasn’t given drugs), and would stay for 2-3 months. When we would go for a visit, she was happy as could be . . . but as soon as she was released, she’d get angry all over again. She finally left (thank God) when I was 14, older brother was 16 and younger brother was 5.

Now, I have been forced to listen to the “mother of the year” and all her hard work in raising us. I’m glad she left – at least we got somewhat of a normal childhood afterwards. But every Mother’s Day brings out all these angry feelings. The sad truth is, I really dispise her. I cant’ stand to hear her voice, ’cause I know the whole 3 hour conversation will be about her and what a wonderful person she is . . . and I’m simply sick of her. What’s wrong with me???

Comment on Growing up in my house by Sarah

Sarah — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 01:15:04 +0000

I know this isn’t of much comfort but… My mother is bipolar as well. I’m in college now 3,000 miles away but she still comsumes a major part of my life. She has the rapid cycling kind, and has as long as I can remember. I just wanted to say that I know exactly what you went through with coming home and expecting the worst. My mom would abuse her “pills” all the time (I now know they’re sleeping pills) and go into a dazed comatose state all the time. She would always say that she didn’t want to live any more and would try to kill her self, so after fits of rage I would come upstairs in the morning or home from school and crack her door open to her room, wondering if she was still alive. I know now that they are empty threats and she’d never actually kill herself, but I know exactly what that is like. And the thing I feel terrible about is that sometimes I actually wondered what it would be like, and even wish she would…

Comment on Bipolar, that is the question by thememoryartist

thememoryartist — Sat, 28 Jul 2007 17:02:35 +0000

It sounds more like your mom has what would usually be labeled as borderline personality disorder rather than bipolar disorder. That said,BPD is a label that does not identify the causes of the behavior and often results in the kind of stigmatization by mental health professionals themselves that can prevent the patient from getting appropriate treatment.

Your mom’s borderline pd-like symptoms could easily overlap with the bipolar symptoms, which is what makes these labels relatively useless. BPD symptoms which tend to overlap with bipolar also overlap tremendously with Complex PTSD. Very often Complex PTSD is labeled as borderline pd. If your mother endured prolonged and chronic stress from abuse and/or neglect at any point in her life,especially during childhood, it is very likely that there is underlying PTSD.

From what I read here,she’s extremely emotionally volatile on a much more consistent basis than what would be expected in bipolar disorder.She really needs therapy, but it sounds like what she’s doing is working for her in a way. When I say that, I mean her behavior is getting her some of what she wants that she doesn’t know how to get without manipulating you.That doesn’t mean she’s doing it intentionally,it means she repeating what works. Her repeated threats of suicide have you really scared.She knows that too.It’s going to take a bit of assertiveness to not let her play on your emotions that way.You’ve got to take care of yourself and your kids.If your mom is behaving in these ways in front of the kids,
it may be best that she doesn’t see them unless she can abide by certain boundaries, but you will have to set those.She probably won’t be able to respect those boundaries.

It’s difficult to grow up with a parent who behaves this way, and often just a difficult to handle their behavior when we become an adult.You’re not going to change her no matter what her diagnosis may be. All you can change is how you respond to her.If you haven’t been in therapy yourself yet, it may help you to learn how to respond to your mom in a more healthy way, for your own well-being and maybe your mom’s too.

I wish you and your family the best.

Comment on Her by namegoeshere

namegoeshere — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 23:26:49 +0000

For obvious reasons, I only ’specialize’ in bipolar. If she hasn’t had a manic or hypo-manic episode, then she is probably not bipolar.

Comment on Her by mymomsbipolar

mymomsbipolar — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 02:16:22 +0000

My mom was divorced before I was a teen, then in the last 4 years she has lost her Father. So yes to bouts of depression.

She does tend to fixate on just one child. I try to spread her love around,but it is hard. And he is the oldest.

I do tend to think that she has gotten progressively worse with getting older.

So what are some of the tags that come to your mind? I would love to know.

Comment on Her by namegoeshere

namegoeshere — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 22:39:01 +0000

I’m not sure if it sounds like your mother is bipolar or not. There is probably a tag you could apply to it, maybe not bipolar, maybe just crazy.
A few questions:
Has your mom had any episodes of depression?
Is your mother fixated on just one child (oldest, only girl, etc)?
Has her behavior gotten progressively worse as she has gotten older?
Remember, don’t try to analyze the thought process of a crazy person, it can really hurt.

Comment on Growing up in my house by Sue

Sue — Sun, 22 Apr 2007 07:19:34 +0000

One of the most difficult concepts to teach our children in how to deal with Bi-Polar MIL…was that they are not responsible for her happiness,her tirades,her depression or any other threat she issued.

We are responsible only for our own actions and our own thoughts.

You mother may threaten to kill herself….but you are not responsible for her feelings or her possible carrying thru said threat.

You are not responsible for sending her into a depression…you have become the enabler and caregiver keeping her from going into a depression.

Has the father of the children said anything in regard to how the children are being used as pawns and does mom’s husband recognize the problem also and everyone is just surviving/coping by giving in to keep mom happy?

These are things to consider….