Growing up in my house

By the time I was a teenager, I had divorced parents. My real father abused both me and my mother, all the time, but this was before anyone HAD to report it, like Dr’s nowadays.

Anyway, she would call me at family member’s house and say did you tell them we fought last night, cuz if you did I will kill myself. So I have a vivid memory of the house I grew up in, of seeing my mother in every room lying in a pool of blood, cuz she kept telling me she was going to kill herself….and I was young enough to BELIEVE my mother. So if I was brought home before she was supposed to be home I would do a thorough check of the house and each room I would “ready” myself to see here there in the floor face down. Terrible images I know….and I am over 40, so imagine as a young pre-teen, that I faced this daily, when she threw her tantrum.

She always managed to ruin special occassions for me….and still to this day she still manages to ruin them.

She would see my “outburst” and take me in the bathroom to discipline me, and then tell me after spanking me, dry it up, wipe your face and if ANYONE out there knows you got in trouble in here….I will spank you again when we get home. She did not do this in nice tones….these were almost yelling…but there were others in the other room so she had to be to the point, yet be quiet.

Now she manages to ruin special occassions by telling me when I reprimand my child that, “You need to stop creating a scene” I don’t feel I am the one creating a scene. The child is. I am doing my parental duty in keeping him in line.

Enough for tonight on that

Well maybe one more point. Several months ago she fell down in her back, had some of my children, and I said to her, I will come by and pick them up so you won’t have to worry about them while you have your back hurt, she started in about, well if you come take them then I will just kill myself. I said “Now stop that, I lived my whole life worried I was going to find you dead in our house and we are not going to “teach” this behavior to the grandkids, nor do I want them to worry about you like I did daily.” She so far has not said it ever again. Oh to be young again…..I know how to handle her now!

Bipolar, that is the question

Well this will be my quest in trying to vent on all of you about my Mother and her ideas of being a good mother and how I get to tears before the conversation is ended……and it is ALWAYS my fault.