The pick up
Once within the last 8 years, one of the kids went to grandmother’s house for a spend the night with Grandma thing.
She tells me to meet her at a local grocery store. She also tells me NOT TO BRING THE OTHER CHILDREN, so she won’t have to see them and them cry cause she did not get “time” with them. I told her I was the mother of “X” number of children and dh had other things to do that day and I had no choice but to bring them in the car with me.
So I jump in the car with all the other kids, go up to the public place, and when I get there, she has got there before me, a minivan, typical one that the windows are not tinted so I can see in ALL windows as can everyone else. She is sitting there with tears flowing down her face, crying, and ignoring me. I finally said to her loudly as the car was running and she is sitting there with my child leaned against her breast, crying and I said loudly, I need to get home now the kids in the car are crying, and I need to get back home so dh won’t worry about me. She then after a few minutes more, leans over and unlocks the door, and commences to tell me that she wants to take oldest for a year, me and dh would have complete contact with him whenever we wanted it, and that she would take him and not change his name, but that she would just take care of him.
Now I know I may not be normal either but
A) if I was such a bad mother, why didn’t she want all the kids?
B) Why did she just want the one, and what was she thinking?
Crazy I know. I thought so too! But it did get me to thinking maybe I was not a good mom, but I was doing the best I could with what God gave me.
Anyway, venting, venting, venting, and it feels sooooooo goood!
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Oh, yeah. That sounds familiar, brings some stuff back….
Once whn my husband and I were arguing and separated, but our kids were with him and well cared for (I don’t have the income and housing to provide for children, but he does, so I had just left the house – I have a mental health history that’s spelled PTSD, but I’m a good mom and husband is a good dad so what I’m about to tell you really blew me away)….my mom’s respnse to our separation was to start consulting lawyers, trying to take custody of our kids from both of us. Said her plan (we lived in a house she owned, btw – she has some money) was that my husband would move, I would live in the house with the kids and have physical custody…but she would have legal custody and control of whatever went on. (???)
At the same time, she *couldn’t* afford to just help me out by letting me and the kids keep the house rent-free or with lower rent. She couldn’t afford it. Unless she had custody of hte kids. (Again – ????)
Looking back, I think she was hypomanic at the time, building up steam into full-blown manic.
There was never, ever any reason for her to need custody of the kids. My husband and I are both good parents – we were just fighting. Married people do that. Sometimes they separate or divorce.
Husband and I had arranged years earlier with some of his family members, that if for any reason we couldn’rt raise our kids (as in tragic accident, etc,) would they take the kids. We did this because the last perosn on earth I would have wanted raising my kids, was my mother – and this was before I knew she was ill.
Anyway. Your ‘custody’ story reminded me of that one. That manic controlling ting.
I ran across your website because my mother is showing signs of being bipolar. This story just freaked me out. I can’t even imagine how you must feel. You want to trust your mother since she is the grandmother but at the same time you need to protect your children. I would not allow her to watch your children alone. It does not sound safe. Although this was posted some time ago, I feel for you and what you have had to go through. Stay safe!