More

She even threw a fit at my grandparents because Norman, my dh, reprimanded my eldest and she went off the deep end….screamed at me…..Norman put eldest in the car…..My dad was there again telling my mom that we were his parents and she could not tell us how to raise my son etc, and he was on our side and he saw the whole thing….but she went completely loco

I was prego with the twins and she started some stuff about eldest…..and I was not at a good place to handle it AT THAT MOMENT

and Norman went to talk to her about timing…and maybe after the twins were born might be a better time to go over this

she screamed at Dad…..told him how wrong he was for being there (he is the step-father)and telling his elder(my Mom is older than my step-dad) how wrong she was

Norman had my dad there so he would know what exactly what was said

Dad did not think Norman was that out of line, said he handled himself great….and she played the you are a preacher card and told him he was not acting as a preacher handling himself in that way…etc.etc

all he was trying to do was protect his wife and unborn children….but he knew enough about her that he knew to have Dad there to back him up….so if she said he was out of line at least there was a witness

Her

I know she used to have a therapist, whom she no longer sees.

I know she told me once they wanted to admit her for testing, but she could not see family for like 2 weeks and she did not want to be without her “contact” of family.

Just one more before I turn in

She once told me that she had to clean the entire room of their toys before bringing them home to me, cause if she walked in the house and saw their toys lying around she would start sobbing. That is kinda scary, they are not dead, they are just at their Mother’s and Father’s house. How terrifying to live like that.

The pick up

Once within the last 8 years, one of the kids went to grandmother’s house for a spend the night with Grandma thing.

She tells me to meet her at a local grocery store. She also tells me NOT TO BRING THE OTHER CHILDREN, so she won’t have to see them and them cry cause she did not get “time” with them. I told her I was the mother of “X” number of children and dh had other things to do that day and I had no choice but to bring them in the car with me.

So I jump in the car with all the other kids, go up to the public place, and when I get there, she has got there before me, a minivan, typical one that the windows are not tinted so I can see in ALL windows as can everyone else. She is sitting there with tears flowing down her face, crying, and ignoring me. I finally said to her loudly as the car was running and she is sitting there with my child leaned against her breast, crying and I said loudly, I need to get home now the kids in the car are crying, and I need to get back home so dh won’t worry about me. She then after a few minutes more, leans over and unlocks the door, and commences to tell me that she wants to take oldest for a year, me and dh would have complete contact with him whenever we wanted it, and that she would take him and not change his name, but that she would just take care of him.

Now I know I may not be normal either but

A) if I was such a bad mother, why didn’t she want all the kids?

B) Why did she just want the one, and what was she thinking?

Crazy I know. I thought so too! But it did get me to thinking maybe I was not a good mom, but I was doing the best I could with what God gave me.

Anyway, venting, venting, venting, and it feels sooooooo goood!

Growing up in my house

By the time I was a teenager, I had divorced parents. My real father abused both me and my mother, all the time, but this was before anyone HAD to report it, like Dr’s nowadays.

Anyway, she would call me at family member’s house and say did you tell them we fought last night, cuz if you did I will kill myself. So I have a vivid memory of the house I grew up in, of seeing my mother in every room lying in a pool of blood, cuz she kept telling me she was going to kill herself….and I was young enough to BELIEVE my mother. So if I was brought home before she was supposed to be home I would do a thorough check of the house and each room I would “ready” myself to see here there in the floor face down. Terrible images I know….and I am over 40, so imagine as a young pre-teen, that I faced this daily, when she threw her tantrum.

She always managed to ruin special occassions for me….and still to this day she still manages to ruin them.

She would see my “outburst” and take me in the bathroom to discipline me, and then tell me after spanking me, dry it up, wipe your face and if ANYONE out there knows you got in trouble in here….I will spank you again when we get home. She did not do this in nice tones….these were almost yelling…but there were others in the other room so she had to be to the point, yet be quiet.

Now she manages to ruin special occassions by telling me when I reprimand my child that, “You need to stop creating a scene” I don’t feel I am the one creating a scene. The child is. I am doing my parental duty in keeping him in line.

Enough for tonight on that

Well maybe one more point. Several months ago she fell down in her back, had some of my children, and I said to her, I will come by and pick them up so you won’t have to worry about them while you have your back hurt, she started in about, well if you come take them then I will just kill myself. I said “Now stop that, I lived my whole life worried I was going to find you dead in our house and we are not going to “teach” this behavior to the grandkids, nor do I want them to worry about you like I did daily.” She so far has not said it ever again. Oh to be young again…..I know how to handle her now!

This weekend

This is the weekend my Mother wanted to have some of the kids. She never can take them all at one time, makes her tooo nervous.

She did have them all one weekend to help me out, and when I went to pick them up she had dissheveled hair, no shower, no makeup, no nothing, and the house was a wreck. Said she needed my Dad to take her out to dinner after all she had been thru that weekend.

Jump forward to this weekend. She told me she wanted some of the kids, meet me at “X” spot. I told her that it was now a Tattoo shop and sex toy place and I did not exactly think that was a good side of town to be getting small children in and out and back in several vehicles and clothes, toys, etc, to switch over, and car seats. She then SCREAMED at me, “WELL WHERE DO YOU WANT TO MEET THEN, <INSERT NAME>?” Like I had made them open this shop just so I could tell her we could not meet there.

Then we get to the place to switch over the kids, she then said a few words to the kids, and me, and then as I was closing the big side door on her van, I said Ok be careful with your hand so I won’t slam it in the door (to the child I gave birth to) and she said HE IS! real hateful.

Part of me wants to stop the “visitation” of grandparent/grandkids but I know it would crush her to the point of her depression and her wanting to take her own life.

More on that later

December 13, 2006

I tell you I think my mom is seriously loosing it. She lost it with me again today……and I did nothing…..She was screaming and screaming….then I said stop screaming which she then screamed at me that she wasn’t screaming.

Anyway, she had my son….I told her maybe she should not get in the car to meet me with my son till she settled down….she then tells ME….”Well you’d better cool down because you will have 2 of my grandchildren in the car with YOU…..which I then give her a dose of reality and say….I’m not the one screaming at my child….you are screaming AT ME! You are the one loosing it….not me

Anyway, I give up…..I don’t know if I am the crazy one or her

Love Family around the holidays!

 

 

December 9, 2006

Well yest I was on the way to take my child to karate lessons to which my mom calls me and starts screaming at me. Well ok….she didn’t start out SCREAMING….but that is how she ended.

1) She did not like the friend I have that I hang out with….she despises her for some reason…and that good doesn’t rub off onto bad……that bad rubs off onto good….and that me and my dh did not need to be around her….and her family. And this is “supposedly” my “best friend”……she lives close to my house…..she says her intentions SEEM honorable…..

2) That I was (since this person) came into my life….I no longer loved my dh……wow……that was news to him and me…..and that I was just wanting to be with her now…..(granted once he comes home from work…..he does not like me on the computer….hence no IM’ing her….or talking to her…..or working ON the computer AT ALL!)(he barely lets me talk on the phone….because HE IS HOME and wants us to be family together.) Now dh has on occasion let me go out with her on a Monday night for a type of Mom’s night out for the both of us and he stays home.

3) That I no longer since this person came into my life….doing schoolwork with MY kids…..which we are on a break….name TWO hs families….not taking SOME sort of holiday break….and she said I would never tell people I did not have time to HS my children…….telling me what a bad mother, daughter, grandaughter, wife I was. I was bawling…..

Then I mentioned to her I needed to get off my cell phone as she was eating up my minutes….she said that I had been on the cell with my friend the day before at her house….and I had not gotten off for my friend I did not have to get off for her…….then I mentioned that I needed to stop and get gas and I would have to call her back….to which she screamed at me…..WHY didn’t you get gas while *insert name” was in the car with MY KIDS!

4) She went on to say that I told her I hated my relative….who is 5 years younger than me because he had been in prison and in prison and in prison on drug charges….(which I never said I hated her….she was just mad) and that here I was ready to give up everything for some family I did not know. She was very upset…. she was scary at times…..because I have been trying to tell my friend ……I never said I was going to save the whales of her family…..but she has it in her head that I guess she thinks I am trying everything to keep being friends with this family. I have done nothing. Just talk. Pray…..and that’s all I can do.

5) she also mentioned that I always have HER in my CAR…..well her dh works….so therefore he takes the car…..to work…..go figure…..I know one day he will walk over 75 miles to and from work so his wife can take me into town one day so I am not always using my car. I then told her that next time I wanted to go to town with her….which out “big” town is about 15 or so miles away from our VERY SMALL CITY……that I would have her and her 3 kids walk along side the van so that I could tell my mom she had made her own way to the other city. Granted once dh is off…..if we do something after hours or on weekends….we usually take her car…..oh well.

I know none of this makes sense…..and I know she probably has some clinical diagnosis of mental problems none of us want to admit……

But just had to share and see if I was the crazy one or her.

We had done good school work days up till around thanksgiving….to which then we started on Life Skills….learning housework skills….and helping Mom…..and they baked a pie for Thanksgiving….and we went to a play on Thursday….and then between dr appts…….we stay pretty busy.

Bipolar, that is the question

Well this will be my quest in trying to vent on all of you about my Mother and her ideas of being a good mother and how I get to tears before the conversation is ended……and it is ALWAYS my fault.